Walcott, And Other Places I Scorn

Here's something you probably didn't know about me, once I get a bee in my bonnet, I gotta do what I set out to do, even if it's against my better judgement. In other words -- or rather less words -- I'm stubborn. That is how we came to start a multi-state road trip at 4 in the afternoon. 4 p.m., people. That stubborn.

Actually it went down something like this...

4 p.m.
Pick up Cooper from school. And while hoping that we can avoid socializing and get on with ourselves I see the teacher wave me down. I flash between, "Should I pretend I didn't see her." and, "Ah shoot, she knows we skipped homework."

Timidly approach her to find out that Cooper didn't eat lunch because his lunchbox was switched with another boy in school. And according to Cooper the mother of said boy packed "rotten chicken soup" that made, "me and Spencer went like this (motions to make gagging noises and retching faces)."

4:17
Arrive home where car is dangerously loaded to the gills and children pile in. We stop for gas. True to the questions I've had since the boys woke up this morning I hear, "I'm so excited, when do we get to grandma's house," at least 47 times.

4:45
On the road, only to slam on brakes in bumper to bumper traffic. Oh that's right, people work. And then they drive home from work at about 5. Oooops.


5:20
Mason is making non-stop machine gun sounds. I'm over it.

5:30
Cooper asks when we're going to be at the airport. Clearly he's over it.

6:57
Cross into Wyoming and the temperature instantly drops. We're travel weary already. Nothing is where I want it and I'm feeling cross. The kids seem smashed into the backseat. And to top things off, the new video games that I bought to surprise them? One of them doesn't work. So, planning fail and we're setting a 10 minute turn timer so they can switch back and forth between one Nintendo DS. (Does anyone have a used DS they want to sell?)

7:27
While at a Wendy's in Wyoming an anonymous patron belches in such a way I am reminded of demon hounds being released from Gehenna. Which you might think would make my husband and I make gagging noises and retching faces. But no, we had an exchange including eye contact followed by hysterical laughter that will be legendary. Mark my words. In this house, we are quick to find comedic relief in errant eructation. Never did figure out who the culprit was. But it was either the grease ball in leathers and a Yellowstone t-shirt and a very loose idea of personal hygiene or the teenage girl in a soccer uniform enjoying dinner with her family. Toss up. (There is an outside chance it was a large woman who was 75% bald. But I'm unconvinced.)

9:17
It's really dark outside. And remarkably cold, 37 degrees. And we see a mile of red lights ahead of us. Uh oh. An absolute standstill on the freeway and we don't have much gas. The night's about to get hugely interesting. Make panicked phone call to family in Idaho for a little OnStar. Learn that I-80 is closed due to an accident. I-80 is THE only route. We pull off the freeway at Walcott hoping for an open gas station. None! Everything is closed. Doesn't 9 p.m. seem a little early to close a gas station? We are literally faced with the decision to sit and wait and hope we don't run out of gas, or drive all the way back to Denver. Hmmmmm... looks like we are aborting this trip.

9:29
Make phone call to Wyoming Highway Patrol (if you would like the number let me know) and discover that at least 1 lane is now getting through. So we turn on the car and pull onto freeway (at this point the inside of our car is freezing). It's slow going, it's raining, but we're moving. This is when everyone falls asleep. Everyone, except me because I'm driving and eating. I do this very well. Especially the latter of the two.


12:31 a.m.
Mandatory stop at Little America. LA claims to have the cleanest bathrooms in Wyoming and this could be true. It's a balmy 42 degrees and I'm questioning why we elected to leave a city that was enjoying temps in the 80s. It's cold enough that we consider buying blankets in a gas station. Then we come to our senses and turn on the heat. I'm telling you, we're a little out of practice.

I'm starting to question my decision to let Mason get his immunization this morning. He's groaning in his sleep and complaining that his leg hurts.

1:30
We cross the Utah state line, I'm listening to Ted Nugent, clearly I'm chockfull of this road trip for I am listening to my husband's playlist. Everyone else is ... naturally... asleep.

2:38
Arrive. Creep by tippy toe into in-laws' home and crawl into bed. Sleep. Sleep very deeply.


I will eventually have fun stories to tell you of our adventures in Utah. Don't worry, none of them include The Browns of Sister Wives fame. Stay tuned.