Sunday, July 6, 2008

Earlier Than Expected

5:35 a.m.
Mason starts crying (from a bad dream, I suspect) and wakes us all up about an hour before our alarm is set to get us going. We decide to just get moving. If only we'd realized it is Sunday.

6 a.m.
My alarm (on wristwatch) sounds off while I'm carrying a sleeping Cooper up the stairs of my mother's house. He doesn't ever stiff, until he's strapped in the car seat. Then he shivers and asks where his brother is. Once he looks around he realizes what is going on and asks if he can sleep on the way. Of course!

6:12 a.m.
Bye family!

6:40 a.m.
We finally find an open gas station and a coffee stand. Seriously, is it that hard to wake up on Sunday people?!?!?! Steve is driving. He always hogs the starting leg.

7:22 a.m.
Both boys are asleep -- Mason just so and Cooper at least 30 minutes in. Steve and I begin reading and discussion (actually I read as he drove) the finer points of corporate monopolies, government corruption, and heirloom tomato seeds.

8:14 a.m.
Cross the Idaho/Utah stateline and the boys magically wake up.

8:57 a.m.
Make our merry way to the I84 eastbound route. This is the very prettiest part of the 12 hour adventure and it only lasts about 12 minutes. Harumph.

9 a.m.
Cooper recognizes that the Barbie car in Toy Story 2 is a corvette and shouts, "Vette!" This starts a discussion of what is his favorite toy [left behind at home during vacation] and rattles off Star Wars Lego Video Game without a breath of hesitation. The proceeds to describe how the game works and then says contritely, "Oh, I forgot I can't say Kill, right mommy?"

9:59 a.m.
Stop at JB's in Evanston, Wyoming for some breakfast. Worst food and worst service we've experienced this summer to date. The bathrooms aren't that clean at we wait more than 40 minutes for our food -- breakfast food. How hard is it to scramble a few eggs.

11:14 a.m.
Gas up and our total bill is $49.99. Switch drivers. Ummmm... this is the ugly part of the drive. Why am I driving it, again?

11:30 a.m.
Mason is asleep. Not sure exactly when -- in the past 15 minutes this happens -- but he is happily snoring.

12:32 p.m.
Despite every effort to pick up time lost at JB's we end up making another pit stop and handing out snacks. It's about here when I notice Wyoming's peculiar style of road signs. There are both regular, state-issued road signs and billboards with didactic warnings about going slow and driving safely. Each one has hard-hitting (or attempted) conclusions, such as, "Drive Safely or Pay The Price." These are weird signs. And I start to think that I am imagining the messaging.

1:14 p.m.
Mason starts a chorus of, "No, no, no, no!"
Steve, acting as the co-pilot, tries to calm him. Then Cooper asks for something. Then I ask for something. Pretty soon he's flustered, cheesed off; and we're all laughing at him.

1:26 p.m.
In the midst of the co-pilot debacle Cooper announces he has a stomach ache. Steve asks why and discovers that Cooper just has to poop and doesn't think he can hold it another 39 miles (the next town). Some negotiation takes place and Coop hangs in -- but lets quite a few stinky toots in protest.

1:36 p.m.
Cooper requests that we open the windows. When we ask why (why do we ask why?????) he replies, "It's not good in here."

1:39 p.m.
The blast of air conditioning that we give ourselves (pilot and co-pilot) to survive the toots from the backseat spur a shout from Cooper, "I need the hot conditioning!"

2:15 p.m.
Bathroom break in Rawlins. Steve busies himself filling up the car with gas at $4.09/gallon. I sling Mason on my hip, grab Coop's hand and head for the bathroom. Gross bathroom. Set up Cooper for his deed in his own stall then attempt to use the neighboring (and only other) stall. Mind you I have to hold Mason on my lap. OK... let's break for a moment.

Holding children on my lap while I'm using a toilet is my absolute least favorite thing about being a mom. I would like to say it has only happened once or twice, but it's more like a dozen times. It's right up there with having your husband see your v-jay-jay stretched to the size of a paper-plate during labor. I do not like it. But it's a necessary evil.

Now on with the bathroom story. Cooper is a private pooper. So it was much to his chagrin when an elderly lady came waltzing into the bathroom and tried to open his stall. He yelled, though politely, "I need my privacy!" In all the shuffle he also missed the toilet and had to be changed from head to toe when we got out to the car.

Once we're on the road Cooper lets dad know, "I went poop. That's why I had a stomach ache." PS -- we switched drivers, again.

3:05 p.m.
Coop asks, "Will you count [how long until we get home]? I count to 8 and he's asleep. Mason continues to watch Toy Story.

4:50 p.m.
The drive through norther Colorado gets a bit annoying and Mason starts humming/crying. He's not responding to any of the usual bribes, i.e., candy, chocolate milk, movies, toys. Then all of a sudden he falls asleep. Cooper is still asleep. Steve and I have to pee. Debate ensues. Can we make it another 2 hours? Should we stop? Where should we stop? Oh the drama.

5:11 p.m.
Realize pee break is a must. Stop at the Loaf n Jug (te he he, yes, I'm that immature). When Cooper wakes up he asks, "Did we get Chinese?" Them scampers off to use the restroom, too.

6:34 p.m.
No only are we home but one kid is in the bath, one on the pot, and i have checked in on all my plants (5 green tomatoes).

PS -- New pictures tomorrow.


Anita and Erik said...

Yay! You're back. We would be up for any of your suggestions....or the pool, or the zoo....

Elle said...

I have had my kids sit on my lap too, while I've used the potty. I actually get a kick out of it because they just have no clue how embarrassed they are going to be when I retell that story over and over again when they are older. The hardest part is standing up and then pulling up your pants while still having to hold a kid in one arm. Can I just say how uncomfortable my underwear feels afterward?

Glenda said...

Can you send us copies of all the Corvette pictures. The ones taken with our camera aren't that great. In both of them, Bryant has his eyes closed.

Claudia said...

You never fail to make me laugh on these travel-logs. So funny! The funniest thing about our drive back? We stopped in Mountain Home, ID to run by a Wal Mart to pick up some candy snacks, where we saw the guy with the always classy tight jeans, cowboy hat and t-shirt with cutoff sleves. What did the t-shirt say? "Mount and Dew" in the soda's recognizable font. We about died. Wierd that the guy was shopping with another dude, instead of a girl.