Where Are We Now

It turns out, that wherever you go, eventually you have to come home. And that is exactly what we set out to do today. It was a typical day-long commute complete with bickering, fast food, and tired bums. And punctuated, I might add with a little chagrin, with, "Where are we now?" every 20 or 30 minutes. Not lying.

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6:28 a.m.
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In 48-degree weather we give brief hugs and kisses to Grandma and Grandpa and drive directly to Starbucks. A fine establishment that opens at 6 a.m. even on Sundays (yes, I called the day before to make sure). On the way my teeth chattered and I listened to the sleepy voices of my two boys.

Cooper: You (directed toward me) have scabs everywhere because you're a girl. (O!M!G!)

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6:34
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Mason starts humming the Star Wars march, of course. But then moves on to the Raiders' March from Indiana Jones. Cooper dozes off for just a minute.

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6:46
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Hit Starbucks and order an iced coffee and two "old fashioned" doughnuts. Mason refuses his claiming it is slimy.

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7:27
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Cooper: I miss my daddy.
Me: You get to see him today!
Cooper: But we have to drive a really long time. (Eureka! He gets it. Maybe this will be the last time he asks me about this.)

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8:45
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We crossed the state line and are cruising along at a quiet clip when Cooper whines, "Mommy, I really wanna see my dad." But Mason is starting to snore and I think Cooper is close.

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8:54
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Phew, Cooper is asleep. Seriously if he asks me how much longer we have, again, I might poke out my own eye. Smiling, of course.

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9:42
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Cooper: We need to get ready for a big bump, right?

OK, that was strange because he was completely asleep and at the moment he woke up we entered road construction.

Cooper: Is daddy awake, yet? Let's call him.

When you have EIGHT hours of travel ahead of you, it comes as no comfort that there will be "road delays" for the next 12 miles.

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10:05
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Ahhhh, Wyoming Welcomes us and I almost respond with my middle finger. I'm just saying, I know what's ahead. Let's start looking for a McDonald's.

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10:58
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After a recess at McDonald's (I hate to wake Mason up for that, but it had to be done) we get back on the road.

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NOON
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The first screaming match of the day occurs over a coloring book dispute. I wish this was the first, and only. Good thing we're headed into the Green River tunnel. They find that almost as interesting as who gets to color in the Wall E coloring book.

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12:33 p.m.
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It has become painfully obvious that the boys know I am a toothless tiger. While driving, I am rendered helpless to mediate any and all fighting. They take advantage. I'll let your imaginations take over here, but it's not pretty. The screaming goes on for a full 10 minutes before Cooper announces he has to have an emergenpee. Thank goodness for the Potette.

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12:53
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I'm so glad I distributed cold cereal to the troops, as it is now raining over me by the fistful, courtesy Mason. During our Lucky Charm shower Cooper enlightens me on the reasons behind his newly discovered sliver (it's in his big toe).

Cooper: My body wanted to give me a sliver because I never had one. I never threw up either. (Ummmm, why is he telling me this?) You can squeeze it and it will poke out with blood. And then you just pinch it with your nails. And it won't even hurt really bad. This is not a sliver actually. It is if you put a band aid on it and it will stick on it. And then it will be better, can you get that? Mommy?!?!?! Are you listening to me?

Me: Yes. Totally listening.

Cooper: But you need to put neosporing on it. Then a band aid on top of that. What band aids do we have?

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1:05
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Mason begins singing, "Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle. Where are you scar?"

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1:18
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I begin telling knock-knock jokes in Chinese.

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1:28
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Cooper: Clouds lift up the sky. Actually the moon lifts up the whole planet and changes our state. So we can go to Indiana and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again, and somewhere else again.

(Heavy sigh.)

I really want to do something fun, so please go a little faster. But don't get a speeding ticket. Those are bad news.

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1:36
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Did I just see a billboard that said, "Come do time in Rawlins."? No thank you. I've spent just about enough time in this purgatory, thank you very much.

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2:17-2:37
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We hit the McD's (I know, again) and the Loaf & Jug (it's still funny).

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2:40
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Cooper: Hey mommy your car is a girl. Because the life guy talks like a girl.

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3:03
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After handing out some melted chocolate Mason starts to panic, "Mom this is leaking!"

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3:50
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Mason begins his version of Twinkle Twinkle, again. And puts himself to sleep.

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4:22
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Cross into Colorado and I'm tempted to get out and kiss the ground. Cooper's response? "This really doesn't look furmiliar. Where's the castle?"

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5:13
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Cooper discovers that a rubber shark I picked up at the dollar store squeaks. I mean SQUEAKS! This thrills him and he laughs and laughs until I convince him to put it away until Mason wakes up. While he concedes, he's nonplussed and pouts with ANOTHER, "When are we going to be there?"

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5:14
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Cooper falls asleep.

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6:19
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Both boys open their eyes and Mason starts singing Indiana Jones music. Cooper doesn't say anyting, just smiles broadly and pulls out that shark. Gives it a squeak and startles Mason into giggles. Laughing all around, that's a great way to bring our trip to a close.

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6:22
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We pull into the drive and both boys chorus, "Is daddy home?"