Friday, April 4, 2008

Plumbing 101

I'm thrilled to announce we are kicking off a bathroom remodel!

Nevermind that the sudden urgency and motivation is rooted in a near explosion of the toilet. Thank goodness for brothers-in-law. I gave mine a call (S.O. was out of town) because I had no idea how to fix the pile of poop I was standing in.

Wait, wait, wait, I should back up -- because, after all, that's what the toilet has done. Ladies, listen up. You know when your husband does that little walk-though of the house and shows you all the valves, handles, and knobs that are important. You know, the ones that should have a label that read, "Turn here if you ever see water, fire, or poop flying out of a pipe."? You really should pay attention to these orientations. If your hubby has not given you one, ask for one. I put my orientation knowledge to the test today.

Wait, wait, wait, back up even further. My kids have been sick this week. Like uber amounts of seriously gross poopy. Seriously gross. At one point I was actually on the verge of taking Mas to the E.R. for dehydration and to make sure he didn't have shigella or something. Anyway, I've had a shitastic week.

Today, Coop was taking a poop (voiding as my hoity-toity neighbor would say). Consistent with the rest of the week he started hollering that his stomach hurt and was saying things like, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow." So I had already run to the bathroom to check on him a few times, only to be ushered out with a, "I need my privacy."

Then as I was making lunch for Mas I hear a shreik from the bathroom. I sprinted to the bathroom and ran into Coop just as he was half-hobbling, half-running in the opposite direction. He had a look of terror on his face and he was crying really hard. His pants were still around his ankles so I figured whatever had happened had just happened. Then I heard it. A fountain.

I ran to the bathroom only to find that water and other stuff was gushing out of the toilet onto the bathroom floor. And here's where my good husband training session came into play. For one second I thought, "Oh my gosh. There's got to be a knob. Where did he tell me the knob was!?!?!?" Then I spotted it, squatted down, (had to duck for cover ever so slightly) and turned the knob.

You might be thinking, "Why remodel? Just pull out a mop you nincompoop." Here's the sweet news. My builder (pay attention builders) put carpet in all of our bathrooms. All of them. We've been meaning to tile them. In fact it is our goal of 2008. But just at the moment they are wall-to-wall, oatmeal, plush carpet. Well, actually, as of today they're not looking oatmeal so much as chocolate. I'm so happy.

So to wrap up, we're remodeling the bathroom. It is off limits -- we tore up the carpet -- until further notice. Did I mention I'm having a shitastic week?

PHOTO NOTE: Random pics of coop at the zoo -- happier times.

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