Thursday, May 10, 2007

Miss Las Vegas Boobies

On a recent trip to the Denver Zoo the argument in favor of school uniforms became clear to me. It was a beautiful 80+ degree weather day and most of the kids and families were clad in carpis, shorts, short-sleeved shirts. There were also many elementary and middle-school aged children there enjoying field trips. Among them were a few schools who clearly enforce not just a dress code but a school uniform – even on field trip days. Just as I was pondering the usefulness of making young girls were plaid skorts and golf shirts on the academia’s version of casual Friday I encountered Miss Las Vegas Boobies.

The woman was about 5’ 3” and probably 260 lbs. She had some serious knockers, which she chose to cover – and I use this term loosely – with a ribbed tank top emblazoned with the decal Las Vegas. Weight on this size frame just pours out of everything, including afore mentioned white tank top. She topped it off, or rather bottomed out, with a short denim skirt.

Now, as many of you know, I’m no prude. But I broke up with mid-thigh shorts exactly 3 years and 4 months ago and have never looked back. How did I know this was the right choice for me? Well, I have a full-length mirror. But also, my mother has a phrase that she relishes in repeating, “Weight and age dictate modesty.” I would venture a guess that not all children have a mother with this wisdom. Enter the intrinsic worth of school uniforms.

Truthfully, there is no cogent argument that proves one way or the other is correct. But I am speculating that after a good 12 years of wearing a uniform, you’d feel downright naked if you were Miss Las Vegas Boobies! And next to no one finds a reason to go out in public naked.

PS – For those of you who subscribe to the ideal that spandex has a weight limit… let us add flip flops. Miss Las Vegas Boobies looked like she was baking a loaf of bread out of her thongs and I couldn’t even see the sole of them!

No comments: