FBSG: The Field Trips

Every Fall Break adventure should be sprinkled with field trip. That is not to say you should take your children somewhere new every day they are on break. This will exhaust them. It also sets you up for disaster once summer comes. Those little brains of theirs remember that load of activity and will expect it all. Summer. Long. Do yourself a favor and be mediocre during Fall Break.

We had 5 trips a field. This sounds like a lot over 10 days, but two of the trips were actually repeat locations.

Trip No. 1: The Zoo

I had the pleasure of being invited to join some other mothers and their sons to the zoo on the first day of break. This was a herd of 2^nd grade-kindergarten boys and four moms. There were a lot of boys. As is our lot in life, we live 17 miles away from the zoo. Once boys were loaded, we’d driven the 30 minutes, and found a parking spot, and renewed our zoo membership to the tune of $100, the sky – which had been forecast to be 70 degrees and sunny – turned cloudy and black. We even felt a few drops.

While I’d like to say we are usually very prepared for this type of thing, the only coat in the car was mine. So, I marched myself right into the gift shop and bought sweatshirts for everyone. I then got sucked into buying huge stuffed animals. It was like a whole thing. Blah!

Please note how large my kindergartner is (on left end).

The next few hours were enjoyable. The boys were with their friends. I was with mine. And we didn’t loose anyone. Have you ever noticed there is a time limit on such peace? Someone in the group of 8 starts to whine a little bit and complain of hunger, the lead dogs start to stray a little farther from the group, the pensive observers start to linger a little longer at each exhibit and you can tell the end is near. This is when I decided to call it quits. Call me a party pooper but I can tell when I’m about to yell at my kids and I don’t want to do that in front of people, so I left.  Everyone should know when to leave.

Trip No 2: Haunted Party Shop

All of the costumes in our house were decided but we were missing some parts and pieces. Before I plunged into trying to sew something before Halloween we decided to visit a costume shop in Old Towne Littleton.  It was super creepy. Mason’s heart rate soared and he was trembling and he had to be carried in. (Yes, we’re those parents.) Once inside he relaxed and cozied up to the deli case filled with body parts. My husband and I jumped our original costume ship and decided on new ones on the spot. Then we procured a few of the small things we needed for the kids’ costumes. I’m totally looking forward to showing off those pictures next week.

Trip No 3: Lifetime Fitness Swimming Pool

I’m always in favor of killing two birds with one stone. Remember the request to go swimming? When another mom friend of mine asked what our plans for Fall Break were (I think she was trolling for ideas) I confessed that our plans were modest, just the swimming pool. Then she saved my day. She offered up her club’s pool and decided to join us.

Off we traveled to Lifetime Fitness. I signed in which was a total cluster and the kids jumped in the pool. Then a lifeguard approached me and informed me that if I didn’t plan on getting in the pool my kids would have to take a swim test. Part of me laughed inside because I was like, “Yeah, my son wants your job.” The other part of me was like, “Oh, I wonder if my other son will have performance anxiety about this.” But I offered them up he pulled them aside -- to another pool in fact -- and told them to swim a lap without stopping, touching the wall or rope, or needing help of any kind. Cooper jumped in, swam his lap, and started back toward the other pool. Mason started a negotiation. Then he methodically slipped into the pool and started swimming. Without a struggle he swam the full lap, climbed out of the pool then looked up at the guy (goggles still on) and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Is that all you got?”

Proud of those two. We may get Mason to do swim team, yet.

I also want to say, this is a brilliant system and I sincerely think more pools should have this rule. 

Trip No 4: A Traffic Jam

One of our field trips was to the city. Yes, I said it. We’ve become that suburban. Wanting to see our friends who had recently moved closer to downtown from the burbs we planned a dinner date at their house – two moms, five boys.

But something, I don’t know what, had traffic all snarly. A drive that literally takes 30 minutes turned into 90 minutes! Let’s review. Trapped in a tin can with two small boys. Dinner time. 90 minutes of snail pace movement.

It was an extraordinary reminder that I don’t like commuting at all.

Trip No 5: The Zoo, II

OK. I know what you’re thinking. Why? Because it is never the same. We met some friends and the weather was much better. We didn’t stay as long, but we saw more. It was great. Well, except for the part when the boy elephant let it all hang out – if you know what I mean. That was so uncomfortable. My boys couldn’t even laugh, they were horrified into silence.  Oh did I mention we were with friends, girl friends?!?!?!?

The most exciting part of the second zoo adventure was our license plate hunt. This is a game we play pretty much non-stop everywhere we go. But for some reason early in the trip we could tell we were going to have a record day. The object of the game is to find as many different states’ plates as possible. I don’t mean vanity plates or one state’s multiple versions. I mean different states. We saw 28! Also, there are a lot of Texans here.

From The Chaos

My youngest brother visited us. He brought a friend and we set out to have a great pre-Spring Break adventure. On one particular day – St. Patrick’s Day in fact -- we set out to walk the bleachers at Red Rocks Amphitheater, take in the sights downtown, and perhaps see a few unique highlights of the little big city known as Denver.

And by “we” I mean my brother, his friend, me, and the two small children that live at my house. That’s a tall order for two little dudes. They loved the whole day and were very well behaved if I do say so myself.

Our weather was perfect and Cooper practically bolted up the sunny amphitheater steps. He’s a hard soul to keep track of in a crowd. He’s destined to always move forward and see what is around the corner before the rest of the party does. Though there were crowds of folks at Red Rocks there was peace and calm all around.

Then we descended into the city. No peace. Mostly rowdy revelers leaving the scene of the parade in droves. It was a little tricky to find a parking space, and trickier still deciphering if St. Patrick’s Day is the type of holiday Denver Parking considers a meterless occasion.

Pulling the boys through the swarms of people wasn’t that bad, except that Cooper kept stopping to pick up beer bottles and collect the bottle caps. His explanation to my brother’s companion was fairly simple, “My mom and dad keep their wine corks. I collect bottle caps.” In my defense of the collecting of wine corks, please see Pinterest!

We commenced our downtown sojourn with a leap into the Denver Museum of Fine Art. This is a set of gorgeous buildings with a much too early curfew – 5 p.m. on Saturdays.

As Mason does, following his adventure he set himself at the table and drew his favorite part of the whole day.

I think he might actually appreciate and understand this particular installation. Right now his interest in art is simply for his enjoyment but I suspect a greater knowledge of art history and an understanding of pictorial elements is on the horizon.

On This Day, You Are 5

Our desire was that Mason would wake up to a surprise worthy of his adorableness. And at 7:30 a.m. we discovered that a life-sized bear can be just the surprise to render a 5-year-old speechless.

9:05
Drop off brother at school and begin a long walk and discussion that went something like this.

Mason:
Mom, I know what they do when people are about to die.

Me:
Really? What?

Mason:
Well, they bury 'em deep in the ground and put one of those gravemind things which are oval on top of 'em.

Me:
Do you mean gravestone?

Mason:
Then they squish their faces with dirt and they can't breathe so they turn green. And then they walk like this. (Pantomimes frankenstein walk with arms and legs outstretched and face stone still.)

Me:
Are you thinking of a Halloween decoration? Or actual dead people?

Mason:
Anyways, are we going to the museum?

9:50- 11 a.m.
Mandatory gym time.

11:20-12:40
One salami and cheese sandwich, and TV with bear.

1:30 p.m.
Museum of Nature and Science. Our first exhibit was the mummy room -- surprise surprise. Followed by the T-REX named Sue, which was scary. And finished with Space and then minerals.

3 p.m.
In the middle of the minerals exhibit Mason proclaims he's tired and would like to go get Cooper. As he's loading into the car I say, "So, how does it feel to be 5." He says, "I'm not actually 5. You have to blow out candles and sing Happy Birthday before you turn 5." Ummmmmm... was I supposed to get a cake?

5:40 p.m.
Start dinner. Mason has requested Macaroni and Cheese. It may be his birthday, but he is overruled and we settle for spaghetti and meatballs. Steve starts spaghetti while I start baking a cake and hunting for candles that say something other than CONGRATS!



8 p.m.
It's official.

PS -- A big thank you to our accomplices who have hidden this bear in their house since July!

Not True

My husband let slip a little discontent yesterday, as he busied himself by loading our golf clubs in the car. He plainly complained, "I hate facebook. I think you put all our kid updates there instead of the blog." As my husband is one of the only people I know who is not on facebook (a wise man) he is unaware of the kinds of updates I post on facebook.

For his benefit, and to make a case, the past five updates are listed here:

~had a great time at Blackstone today... might need to make that our golf home.

~cried when the kindergarten teacher read Miss Bindergarten Celebrates the Last Day of Kindergarten.

~Lionel Messi, on the list.

~I bet you wish you were going with 100 kindergartners to the zoo. Did I mention torrential rain?

~grateful for the health of my family, humbled by the struggle in the path of friends.

Clearly drivel and holding not much more substance than the 100 or so characters each post amounted to. So the next question might be, where have the regular blog updates gone? I'll tell ya.

I have increased my volunteer hours at the elementary school by at least an hour a week, and in fact was there from 9 a.m. until 3 p.m. on Thursday.

(Cooper's first oral report, ever! Notice his sweet teacher trying to keep a straight face.)

It's golf season, and while my post-surgical return has been slow and disappointing I am golfing. In fact, I can attribute at least 10 hours to golf this past week. Naturally I'm planning on about that many next week, and the week after, and the week after...

(The boys at Hudson Gardens.)

The kids have gymnastics, tennis, swim lessons, and karate. They have fun, I drive. Enough said.

(Cooper at his first swim meet, wearing jammers in the smallest possible size.)

Swim team. What was I thinking?!?!?!!? Swim practice is suggested every day. This means I'm sitting at a practice, driving to a practice, or driving home from a practice about 10 hours a week. This says nothing of the hours I'm putting into washing swimsuits and towels, and packing swim bags and lunches.

I've also tried to open my eyes to the friends and family around me in need this month. I have had multiple friends undergo major surgical procedures. Two friends have happy, healthy babies. And I know and love three families who are facing major medical burdens. I haven't been a big help to them all... but I have cooked a lot of extra meals, covered for them when they needed it, driven their kids around, and spent a lovely afternoon photographing one special family and their son.

Finally, I have agreed to run in a Ragnar with my brothers. Because I want to be a force for that team, I'm adding some running time to my current workout schedule. (By being a force I mean I just don't want those buggers to make fun of me.)

(caught updating my facebook when i'm supposed to be playing with the kids,oooops)

I might be maxed out. It might be the reason I momentarily lost my oldest a few weekends ago. It might also be why there is a mysterious smell in my closet. And it most assuredly is why we have eaten pizza more than once a week for about a month.

So, sweet husband, we're not leaving you out. I'm just not getting to sit still in front of a computer more than an hour a week. Also, school is almost out. Which does mean it will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better.

Some Advice to New Yorkers

In all the guidebooks it says you'll differentiate the New Yorkers from the tourists by the folks who are looking up. Tourists look up, gawking at the mega size of the city and New Yorkers look down. Here's some advice for the New Yorkers: look up.
I appreciate that the real New York might be residing in filth from the knees down... but you can only watch out for rats and feces for so long. Let yourself remember why it is you live in The City. I know it's not the fine odors of B.O., urine, and garbage that assail the neighborhoods and label each subway station with it's own signature scent. It has to be the interesting mix of buildings that reflect the generations and countries who moved here with the immigrants of the ages. Just as your taxi drivers might be an Afghani one day and a long-time New Yorker who looks like Jerry Garcia the next, you can see gothic churches sidling up to the shadows of skyscrapers etched in Greek and Roman architecture of classical antiquity. The odors and constant dreck on every surface takes your breath away. It really does. But if you look up, the view is breathtaking. So try it, just once in a while when you're in a rush to catch the F, look up.
You won't be disappointed. And if you time it right your friends won't be looking up at the same moment, so they'll say, "Poop, step over it." And if they don't, you can always hit Century 21 for some new.

Strange Places I've Visited

We visited the Aquarium with some friends. Fun day wandering and viewing some seriously exotic and big sea creatures. Then we ate in the restaurant -- no, none of us ate fish. As we walked out of the aquarium toward the car I asked the kids what they liked the best -- remember they had touching a pygmy devilray to choose from -- Mason said, "I liked the bubbles." The bubbles? Yeah, the bubble machine outside the aquarium that the kids enjoyed for 2 minutes while I was buying tickets. Oh glad I spent money on admission.
And folks, I include this picture merely to tell you one more smart aleck thing Mason said. When I was editing my pictures I asked Mason what he was doing in the one featured below. He said, "Ellie farted. She is tooterific." Oh my gosh! I guarantee she did not. But Mason has to put a comedic spin on everything.

My Mom Went to Vegas

You know those tacky shirts that say, "My mom went to Lake Tahoe and all I got was this stupid shirt"? My children didn't even get one of those stupid shirts. I went to Vegas -- sans kids and husband -- and all I brought back was this stupid photo.


I didn't come home with a tan.

I didn't come home with scores of cash that I won playing slots/poker/baccarat/placing bets on the derby.

I didn't come home skinnier.

I didn't come home with ticket stubs from a show.

But I did come home. And that is saying something. It's not very often that I get to escape my day-in-day-out responsibilities of loading the dishwasher, folding those damned fitted sheets, and walking the kids to school. (And lest you think I do more than that, you're mistaken.)

I did reacquaint myself with my dancing bone. (Please don't make any porn-y jokes. I just went out and shook my backside to the beat of some questionable music. That's all.)

I did have a relaxing time with my friends by the pool, if by relaxing you mean I laid really still and pretended not to worry about how far my gut was sticking out, how many sunspots I was acquiring, and where my next drink was coming from.

I did make a new friend who I proceeded to give a scandalous nickname -- which will not be repeated here because as is true with most things coming out of Vegas, you really had to be there.

I did meet up with a very old friend. Well, she's not really old so much as my first friend I ever made. Or something like that. The main point being, we're still spring chickens, seriously.

Anyway, what's important here is that I didn't buy that stupid shirt. I just posed stupidly for this stupid picture that I thought my kids would find awesome. But in fact, they didn't recognize the gigantic wax guy. Coolness fail.

The 4 Food Groups

We elves try to stick to the four main food groups, candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.

In the Field

Entertaining children is a little bit like the Indiana Jones version of archeology. We do not follow maps to buried treasure and X never, ever marks the spot. And as Indiana Jones once said in one of his many movies, the continuos reel in my head says, "I don't know. I'm making this up as I go."

Today we found some interesting hats in the costume box and went out looking for adventure. The original idea was to drive by the Governor's Mansion -- which we did. But I could instantly tell the boys would have no interest in going in, so we swung by the Museum of Nature and Science.


Our fate lead us to an IMAX movie about dinosaurs. We've been to movies before. Movies made for children. Usually the boys fidget and have a hard time making it through the entire show. This movie was not made for children. My kids were fixated on the screen. Didn't move. There was a lot of gasping and ahhing as dinosaurs struggled an died in lifelike animation on a screen 40 feet high. But no complaints.

Many people stopped them in the museum and asked them about their hats. They were unfazed and frankly answered, "I'm Indiana Jones." Well, duh. Why do people even ask?

Also, can I make a suggestion? Try driving around with Indiana Jones soundtrack playing. Changes your driving. Trust me.


PS -- If you're my friend on facebook you can watch a video of the boys singing the soundtrack in the car. (And NO, mom and dad, you cannot be my friends on facebook. That would be weird.)

You Know You've Grown When...

Sometimes it's best to listen to the zipper. Somehow Cooper wedged himself into this little space guy suit. (I think he'd surprised even himself by how much he's grown in the past few months.) Then when he'd had about enough and had actually started to complain of tingling in some of his body parts I tried to get him out of it. The zipper was stuck! I had a few sweaty moments of "omg how do I get him out of this!?!??!" We really must make it to the museum more frequently.

Mr. Bones

In case you haven't heard, my kids are obsessed with the Museum of Nature and Science. Because we are frequent visitors (and members at that) we see our share of traveling exhibits... Body World, Titanic, GOLD, Engineer It!, and now a few Dinosaurs from NYC.

Perhaps because of the special exhibit, or perhaps because the DMNS is cool, they hired Mr. Bones to wander around the museum and greet kids. Mr. Bones is a cross between a character at Disneyland and a dinosaur puppet. He's fashioned these skeletons to fit around his body and then he walks around puppeteering himself to place the dinosaur jaws over people's heads or shake hands with 2-year-olds. (Please note he put that damn thing on my head and I was so mad. I don't like puppet like things.)


Cooper loves him and begins orbiting around him like an electron cloud. Mason hates him, like a train wreck. He screams and runs away when he spots him. Then he'll decide on a hiding place with a viewing vantage point and stare at him. (Photo note: Mason pressed up against the glass railing of the second floor of the museum watching Mr. Bones in the lobby. Mr. Bones notices Mason and takes the escalator up a floor to come talk to him. Can you see Mr. Bones on the escalator?)


At any rate. Fun day that ended with buying a dinosaur toy. Mason was smitten with this thing. He grasped it like this all through the museum, in the parking lot, and all the way home.

PS -- The dinosaur museum in Utah is still better than this.

Mason's Pursuits

Mason has a way of wandering away from us. Actually, sometimes we move along and he lags behind. Not because he's disobedient -- though the thought has crossed my mind -- but because he's exploring. He's a looker -- that is to say he likes to look around and take his time doing it. At our recent trip to the Butterfly Pavilion I found him staring down Nemo and chasing bunnies. Neither activity included Cooper or me. He wanted to pursue these pleasures on his own. I had to watch from a safe distance, so as not to disturb him. (Until of course I noticed that the bunny he was chasing smelled suspiciously like a skunk.)

No. 1 Use of Rotting Fruit

Do you have a bowl full of rotting bananas? Before you decide to tie on that apron and whip up some banana bread, perhaps you should set it on a plate in your yard and see who stops by. (Provided it's hot outside.)

Help Me! What?

You know how Spiderman and Batman actually live at my house? When we went to the Butterfly Pavillion the other day I realized how much my kids believe in the dream. As we were getting out of the car and readying ourselves to go in Cooper said -- in all seriousness -- I could probably become a real Spiderman if I let the spider bite me.

I asked him if he thought this was a good idea (thinking something more like, "Oh Please don't let spiders bite you." And he said, "I need to think about it. It might hurt and it's a lot of fighting bad guys." I'm not kidding you people. Spiderman's career path might very well have started at the Butterfly Pavilion. I'm just saying, watch out for spiders or you might be in for a lot of fighting bad guys.

Once we were inside it took my boys about 14 minutes to find an oversized spider's web. Pictured above having the following conversation:

COOP: (said in a fake distress) Help me! Help me! Help me!

MAS: (yelled like a little good fella) What!

COOP: (said in a fake distress) Help me! Help me! Help me!

MAS: (yelled like a little good fella) What!

COOP: (said in a fake distress) Help me! Help me! Help me!

MAS: (yelled like a little good fella) What!

COOP: (said in a fake distress) Help me! Help me! Help me!

MAS: (yelled like a little good fella) What!

Mason never did help Coop.

Bee Movie Extras

We have had a buggy summer. I can think of no better way to close out the season than with a visit to a bona fide bug house. The afternoon couldn't have been scripted to be more entertaining. And certainly my recolections and poor writing will not give it justice.

Imagine if you will an indoor beehive with sealed egress to the exterior of the building.

Mason could not imagine anything more frightening, thrilling, and fascinating. He would slap the hive (which was clearly posted as a no-no), scream and tremor as he watched the colony at work.

Cooper peered into the hive, then asked one of the bug people (not actual bugs but people who like to work with bugs), "Are these the bees from Bee Movie?"